Some homeless American men still see their children and stay with relatives. So why do they remain without a home?

An American man in his late sixties had been living outside for much of the previous decade. He had children, grandchildren and a former wife. They still talked, met occasionally and remained part of one another’s lives.

He sometimes stayed with one of his sons in a nearby city. Then he returned to sleeping outside.

Researchers in Oakland, California, recorded his experience while studying older adults who had stayed with family or friends.

I found his story troubling.

Here was a father who had not lost contact with his children. He even saw his granddaughter regularly at church. Yet he had spent years without a permanent home.

Why couldn’t he stay with his son?

The study does not give us enough information to answer that question about his particular family. But it reveals something important about homelessness that national statistics cannot explain.

Having relatives and having somewhere to live are not necessarily the same thing.

The Men Behind America’s Homelessness Figures

In January 2025, the US Department of Housing and Urban Development counted 745,652 people experiencing homelessness on a single night. Of those, 266,320 were without shelter.

The total had fallen by about 3.3% from the previous year. It was still an enormous number.

Men accounted for a disproportionate share.

In 2024, HUD identified 459,568 people experiencing homelessness as men or boys. They represented 59.6% of everyone counted and 67.4% of those living without shelter.

I examined that gender imbalance in my earlier article, Why Are So Many Homeless Americans Men?

But the figures left me with another question.

How many of these men have children or other relatives who might be able to help them?

HUD’s annual count cannot answer it. Nor can we assume that every man living outside has been abandoned by his family.

Some may have relatives nearby. Others may have lost contact with them years earlier.

Their circumstances are not identical.

Some Homeless Men Still See Their Families

A study conducted by researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, offers a glimpse into these relationships.

The researchers interviewed 46 homeless adults aged 50 or older in Oakland who had stayed with housed relatives or friends during the previous six months. They also interviewed 19 people who had hosted them.

The study, published in 2021, examined why older adults stayed with other people and what made those arrangements difficult.

Some participants regularly visited their children. Others spent a few nights with relatives before returning to shelters or the streets.

One 62-year-old man explained that his son would come looking for him if he had not heard from him for a day or two.

Their relationship had not always been easy, but the son remained concerned about his father.

Another man stayed with his brother when the weather became particularly bad.

For these men, family contact had not disappeared.

The researchers found that many participants used temporary stays to escape the physical strain of homelessness. The accommodation also offered a measure of comfort.

Yet most preferred to have their own homes in the longer term.

The study was small and deliberately recruited people who had stayed with relatives or friends. Its findings cannot tell us how many homeless Americans receive family support.

They do show that some people remain homeless despite maintaining meaningful relationships.

Why Asking for Help Can Be Difficult

One part of the research caught my attention.

Several men felt ashamed of needing somewhere to stay. They feared that relatives would see them as failures or regard them as an additional burden.

One participant, aged 57, said he wanted to manage his own affairs and have his own place.

Another limited his visits because he did not want to impose on the people hosting him.

The researchers found that concerns about masculinity and independence influenced some men’s willingness to accept accommodation.

I recognise this attitude from life in Pakistan.

Men of my generation often grew up believing that they should provide for their families. We worked, paid household expenses and tried to ensure that our children received an education.

Depending on someone else can be difficult after spending decades in that role.

Age eventually changes the arrangement.

A father who once supported everyone may need help himself. That need does not disappear simply because he feels uncomfortable admitting it.

Of course, pride alone does not explain why people become homeless. A man may want to live independently but lack the income to rent a room.

His relatives may have little money themselves.

And sometimes a family relationship is too damaged for anyone to consider living together.

My Own Experience Is Different

I have been thinking about these questions partly because of my own family circumstances.

My son and his wife bought a flat and took on loans. He asked me to continue working for another year while they dealt with their financial commitments.

I agreed.

He and his wife look after us, and I have no doubt that they will continue doing so. My daughter in Munich also contributes generously to our financial security.

When I eventually stop working, I expect my children to support my wife and me.

There is a sense of security in knowing that.

But I would be wrong to assume that every Pakistani father enjoys the same arrangement.

Some adult children earn barely enough to support their own households. Others live in rented accommodation with little space.

There are families in Pakistan where elderly parents receive inadequate care. Family disagreements can become bitter, particularly when money or property is involved.

Our society places considerable importance on looking after parents. That expectation does not mean every family has the means or the willingness to meet it.

I cannot judge American families simply by comparing them with my own children.

For another perspective on family finances in Pakistan, see my article When Parents Grow Old, Who Pays Their Bills?

A Son May Care About His Father but Have No Room for Him

The Oakland researchers found that hosting a homeless relative could create tension even when the family wanted to help.

Some guests worried about overstaying their welcome. Others struggled with household rules or disagreements over money.

In one case, a man paid his brother $310 a month while staying with him. The arrangement benefited both men because the brother also needed financial help.

Other relationships proved more difficult.

Some participants had experienced serious family conflict. Past abuse and substance use sometimes complicated attempts to live together.

One adult son described painful memories of his father’s behaviour during childhood, even though he was providing temporary accommodation.

That is an uncomfortable side of family responsibility.

We often discuss what children owe their ageing parents. We spend less time asking what happened during the years when those children were growing up.

A son may feel responsible for his father while still carrying resentment.

Financial pressures can make matters worse.

An American household already struggling with rent may be unable to accommodate another adult indefinitely. The willingness to help does not create additional living space.

The same problem can arise in Karachi.

Family Support Can Keep Homelessness Out of Sight

America’s homelessness figures contain another limitation.

HUD’s annual Point-in-Time count includes people in qualifying shelters and those sleeping in places not intended for habitation.

Someone who is temporarily staying with relatives because he cannot afford housing will generally not appear in that count.

He may still lack a stable home of his own.

In my earlier article on rural American homelessness, I examined how official counts can miss people who move between temporary arrangements.

Such situations complicate comparisons between countries.

In Pakistan, extended families sometimes accommodate relatives who cannot afford independent housing. That support may prevent someone from sleeping outside.

But it can also place considerable pressure on the household.

A man sleeping in his brother’s spare room may be safer than someone living on the street. He may nevertheless be unsure how long he can remain there.

We should not confuse temporary shelter with permanent housing.

What Families Cannot Provide

I believe adult children should help their parents when they can. My own family has given me good reasons to value that relationship.

Still, I would hesitate to place the burden of solving homelessness entirely on relatives.

The Oakland study illustrates why.

Some hosts were struggling financially. Others had complicated relationships with the people staying with them.

A few nights indoors might protect an older man from bad weather, but they would not necessarily give him a permanent home.

Housing costs remain central to the problem.

Families can offer practical assistance, but affordable housing and appropriate public services are also necessary. Some older adults need medical support or housing designed around their disabilities.

A son cannot always provide those things by allowing his father to sleep on the sofa.

The Father Who Returned to the Street

I have thought again about the man in Oakland who remained in contact with his children.

His situation was not one of complete family separation. He visited relatives, spoke to them and sometimes stayed with his son.

Then he went back outside.

We do not know everything that happened within that family, and it would be unfair to blame his children without hearing their side.

What interests me is the gap between the relationships he maintained and the housing he needed.

My children give me confidence about my old age. I do not have to wonder whether I can turn to them if my circumstances change.

That older American father had family members he could contact, too.

But he still spent much of his life sleeping outside.

I find that difficult to forget.

Sources and further reading

1. US Department of Housing and Urban Development, 2025 homelessness report, May 2026.
2. HUD, 2024 Annual Homelessness Assessment Report.
3. HOPE HOME study: Temporary stays with housed family and friends among older adults experiencing homelessness.
4. America’s Hidden Homeless: Why Small Towns Struggle to Count People Without Housing.
5. When Parents Grow Old, Who Pays Their Bills?.